


In His Brown Eyes

by poetdameron



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Anal Play, Anal Sex, Body Horror, Choking Kink, Eldritch Abomination Ryan, Explicit Sexual Content, Getting Together, Happy Ending, M/M, Monster sex, Non-Linear Narrative, Shyan Mini-Bang 2019, Shyan Writing Events, Smoking, Supernatural Ryan, Switching, voyeurism kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 17:51:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18451595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poetdameron/pseuds/poetdameron
Summary: As a kid, a shadow lived in Shane's room that became his friend. All he can remember of it, it's its beautiful brown eyes.As an adult, Shane meets Ryan and his beautiful brown eyes that are familiar.





	In His Brown Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> **This work was created for the Shyan Mini Bang 2019 - Supernatural Ryan.**
> 
> Boy, I have fun doing this piece and look! Something shorter! And on Shane's POV again! This fic has been ready for almost a month, I was on a roll for Shane's POV back then and hey, I think this may be one of my favorite things I've done for this fandom so far. I really hope you guys like it.
> 
> This work was edited by my good friend and even better writer [Cait](https://thatmademadej.tumblr.com/), who deserves the world and has been a source of support and happiness for a year already. So guys, honestly-- do yourself a favor and check out [her fics](https://archiveofourown.org/users/carrieonfighting)
> 
> Now, If you have a tumblr and you liked this fic, please support me by reblogging the [original post](http://yaboybergara.tumblr.com/post/183486924682/like-you-want-to-be-loved-shyan-fic)!

**In His Brown Eyes**

When he was told to clean the attic, Shane knew his summer couldn’t be worse.

Moving out from Chicago, leaving family and friends behind, had been hard enough but coming into Los Angeles with just his mother and older brother had turned out to be the worst.

It took them just a day and a half to get the house going, furniture in its place and decorations his mother had wanted all set up. After that, Shane and Scott were left to solitude with their mother working almost all day and them not knowing anyone around.

It was maybe easier for Scott, Shane suspected. Because he was outspoken and cool enough for other kids to follow him around, want to talk to him. But him, he was just too tall for a thirteen years old and way too awkward to try and talk to anybody.

So, the attic.

“Look, you just gotta put all the boxes in the back and make sure there aren’t any spider webs hanging.” Scott explained to him. “Mom thinks we’re doing this together so if she asks, you say...?”

“Yes, Scott helped.” He answered, arms crossed over his chest, rolling his eyes.

“Right. Once you are over, I’ll give you the money.”

“Okay.”

His brother gave him a thumb up and went with the sound of giggling outside. Shane sighed, he had no reason to believe Scott would lie to him about this, most his savings were from things his brother was too lazy to do himself and preferred to pay Shane for.

Gathering the boxes turned out to be more exhausting than he thought, but by the time his mother was about to get home, he was almost done with them and his lie about Scott helping wouldn’t sound so unbelievable with the evidence of their progress.

There was a kiss on his forehead later that day, like if mom knew already it had been all him and Shane looked back at his hard work.

Lighting in the room was especially bad, it seemed like all attics required the worst of illuminations like in every horror movie ever, but there was space enough for a blanket and a book when he wanted to disappear, an occurrence every day more common that Shane didn’t want to give much attention to.

With an extra light, he sat down the first night and read until late, going to his bed satisfied with the peace and quiet he had gotten, and so he kept doing it every night for the long of that summer, so many years ago.

* * *

 

There was once one Ryan Bergara when Shane was twenty-six and he was odd as fuck.

Shane liked him.

They shared the same humor, knew about the same niche horror movies no else liked and had several similar opinions on pretty much everything.

Ryan could lose himself looking at pictures of popcorn on his phone, daydreamed of waffles and loved to talk about niche movies not many people remembered, happily dropping everything on his hands to talk to Shane about any of their unusual shared brands.

All they ever disagreed on, was the supernatural and the smoking.

“Yu are gonna die.” Ryan told him every time he saw a cigarette between his fingers. “You, Sara, Andrew and Eugene. All dead. For smocking.”

Shane laughed. Because, of course, his new friend was one of those weirdos that liked aliens that attack other planets, believed in the existence of a chupacabras and the ghost of a little girl that torments old houses, and liked to remind everyone of their doom for one little cigarette.

Deep down, Shane couldn’t get truly annoyed at him, not even at this.  It made him laugh. And, eventually, without any of them saying anything ever, it made him want to quit.

Ryan’s familiar eyes made Shane feel like he had found something invaluable he should never let go of. That Ryan was a treasure and he had been blessed in his lifetime with his friendship, his care, his soft expression as he slept, his laugh, the smell of him each morning sitting by his side at the office.

All of this reminded Shane of something else. Something old he had forgotten and creeped in the back of his mind.

Eventually, Shane forgot again what was it.

* * *

 

Having divorced parents sucked half the time, the other half he had double presents and double the money when required, a constant competition between his dad and his mom to see who was the best parent and who could give him and Scott the best of the best.

When he mentioned that to his therapist, the man had grimaced, telling Shane it was okay to be mad at his parents for what had happened, and that he was allowed to be tired of the way he and his brother had been treated as a result of their fights.

But none of it was his fault.

“Doubt it, though.” He told the shadow on the attic’s wall one night. “Dad’s always blaming mom for my distraction, and mom is always blaming him for never being there or something.” He sighed. “All I ever did was to sit down and read, and they made it look like if it was something so bad!”

It never changed, everything around him. That summer had resulted eternal in the worst of ways and for the first time, Shane wished he could just go back to school and have something else to do aside from getting his ass in the attic to read away from the sound of Scott’s videogames and his mother’s phone calls.

Shane turned the page, sighing before his eyes catched movement from the corner of them.

He looked up, frowning at the shadow that had just been there and now it was gone. Was there a mouse? Another animal? How he didn’t notice before?

Leaving the book over the blanked, Shane stood, walking around to find where the object, animated or not, that had caused the shadow he had talked to, to be so suddenly gone or if he had been reading too much and it was time to go to sleep.

Eventually, the boy looked back at the wall, and right in front of his eyes, the shadow came back.

* * *

 

“I just want to know what’s out there.” Ryan said, Shane sighed at his side in the demon house and wished he could just go back to sleep.

But his friend needed him and fuck, fuck him for being Ryan, someone that mattered so much to Shane in such a short period of time. The man looked at him and Shane swallowed, looking back and trying to understand what was there in those eyes he had come to miss so much during weekends.

“I know you don’t see it that way, but…” He licked his lips, Shane followed the movement with his eyes. “If something is out there, I think… it would make me feel less alone.”

Shane smiled, wanting to reach out to Ryan and caress his face, take his hand and squeeze it. Instead he just smiled, looking at him with as much honesty as he could muster.

“Less alone?”

“Less alone.”

* * *

 

Eventually, he asked dad about it.

“A shadow?” His father said on the other side of the line of the phone. “What do you mean it moved? Son, shadows move with us with—“

“No, I mean like—you know that part in Peter Pan when the shadow becomes rebellious?”

“Yeah?”

“Like that but it wasn’t a person, it was like… a stain. In the wall.” He tried to describe, his father didn’t make a sound. “I know I sound crazy, but it moves! Like floating around!”

Dad was the second person Shane had tried to convince about the shadow in the attic that danced around his head while he was reading.

The first one had been Scott, the same day Shane had seen it the first time. His brother had come upstairs in the attic, sure his brother was telling the truth for how scared and pale he looked. The stain was there, his eyes excited for it to move as Shane had said it did, but it never happened.

Scott had called him out there, saying he’d tell mom if he kept the weird up for longer.

Like everyone else, Scott thought him a problem. Too constantly distracted, always reading too much, not good at school, awkward, not liking girls at his age when supposedly all dudes start finding girls like the best in the world.

But not him. Shane was different, had known almost since forever. Since he was small and most kids’ height, the boy in the yellow shirt had been eating a red popsicle and Shane had gotten lost in the red of his lips and check,  of his sticky hands, and had put his lips over his like his dad said you do with someone you like.

The kid had pushed him, but didn’t do anything else. Just called him a freak.

Shane thought they were friends.

But he never talked to him again.

“Shane,” His dad said on the phone, “have you been sleeping?”

“What? Oh, yeah.” He answered, sighing while knowing he was not gonna get an answer now. “Why?”

“Scott told me last week about your shadow friend. Your mother is worried about your sleeping, son. Is everything okay? You can talk to me.”

The boy arched an eyebrow, wondering when his family found the time to keep talking about him and not realize their own flaws. He sighed, nodding into the phone before answering.

“I’m okay, dad.” He said. “I’m not making things up, though. I don’t know why the stain won’t move when Scott is up there, but it does. It floats around, sometimes gets closer to me.”

“And what happens when it gets closer?”

Shane frowned. “Nothing. It just stays there. I think it wants to see the book. I don’t know.”

“Uhm.”

Later, he heard his mother yell into the phone, angrily calling his father all kinds of names and blaming him for whatever made them part ways. He heard his name being thrown a couple of times, “you don’t know your own son because you were never there”, and he rolled his eyes, going back to his room.

Shane took a new book, he had finished the one just two days ago, so a new title would do for the time being. Scott seemed to be trenched on his room as well, and Shane got his reading light on, turned off the room’s one and the bed’s shadow was now accompanied with a new one coming from nowhere.

He blinked, looking at it.

“You again?” He said to stain, it moved to the rooftop, soon stopped at Shane’s right. “You’re getting me into a lot of trouble, you know? Why you never move when I call mom and Scott, uh?”

Like before, it didn’t answer or moved away. Shane sighed, opening his book and making space for the presence in his room.

Ghosts and demons didn’t exist. Shadow people were no stains. This was something else, different. Shane looked at it while changing the page, wondering why it had chosen him to hang out with.

* * *

 

When Shane had been a kid, he didn’t have anything to complain or rebel about, until his parents started to have problems—or, as he had understood now that he was older, they started to lose control near him and Scott.

They divorced ultimately, and for a while he felt strange about it.

He didn’t remember thinking it was his fault like many other kids, but he thought about how he could had been there for his mom like he was always for his dad. Later in life, he realized he had blamed her and the guilt made him pamper his mother the best he could nowadays.

“Then you are gonna be done smoking as of now. Right in this moment.” She had said when he finally apologized, when he was twenty-two and in college. “Give me that box, Shane Alexander.”

It made him realize, the way he had hesitated to give it to her, that he had problem. And boy, did he wish he could say he had stopped after that.

Like many addictions, it left a ghost. And every time it got a little bit grey in his life, his fingers twitched.

Shane could feel the bitter taste of all ciggies he has had in his mouth, the disgusting sensation that it left on his tongue when it was gone, the fullness of his lungs—and yet, even knowing how bad and disgusting it was, he craved it.

It had become less and less with time.

At first, he’d lose control and smoke, and with the past of the months, it became less. Years later, and he would just put gum in his mouth and shut down his brain for a while.

Other times, he’ll come out to the smoking area where he was not going to smoke for he hadn’t have a cigarette box for three years, but at least it allowed him to calm the fuck down.

Someday, he hoped, he would stop breathing the gray and move on.

* * *

 

The Shadow lived in Shane’s room, under his bed.

At night, Shane would get his reading light on and read until the sky was starting to get blue and the Shadow would close the curtains, right in front of Shane’s eyes, but never around anyone else. Eventually, he had given up on showing everyone that It existed.

The next step for Shane to go to sleep, was for the Shadow to cover the lights until they were off, making Shane close his books and lay down, Shadow slowly going down his bed where it would sleep until its friend came back from school and it was time to read and do homework again.

No one took care of him the way the Shadow did.

It would listen to him, read with him and send him to sleep. He felt more cared about for this entity than the people around him, even his new friends who had never heard of the Shadow before. And Shane suspected, maybe it was for the best.

Even that time Edgar and Clyde stayed the night for a sleepover, the Shadow didn’t appear. It didn’t torment his friends nor seemed to be jealous when it came back a few days later. It had gotten directly to Shane’s side to read and soon send him to sleep, every day earlier.

He feared it, but only because he couldn’t understand what was it. But it had become routine, company. A friend.

* * *

 

Ryan was no addiction.

He was a form of beauty Shane was sure he shouldn’t be allowed to touch the way he had gotten to with the years, but making love to him was the end of the long life of agonizing loneliness and inexplicable fear of never finding the one to spend his time with even at a young age.

Shane was sure Ryan deserved better than him. He deserved someone who didn’t have a breakdown as a child for something so silly like a divorce, he deserved someone who hadn’t need to fucking bleach his teeth to hide his addiction to stupid nicotine.

Someone who was as gorgeous and successful as him, capable of so much more, of giving him the fulfilling life he deserved. This beautiful man with a more beautiful heart, all light and warm, and he was in love with _Shane_.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about…” Ryan had murmured one night as Shane was drifting to sleep with the little guy in his arms, head comfortable on Shane’s chest.

In his dream, brown eyes looked at him from all places of the darkness he was in, and Shane was never scared. He had this dream a million times before, and all those times, he never felt fear.

Once he was told he was the fearless, Shane was sure it wasn’t the case. He had just chosen to work with the wind and the dust, yelling at empty places that gave him trips and time to spend with the man he loved the most in the world. His fear of not deserving him came later.

When he dreamt of the eyes, though, Ryan was always there somehow.

He was the eyes sometimes, other times he was standing far away, waiting for Shane to go pick him up and go home. And all the times, Shane knew one thing: he has always been there.

Shane’s eyes opened to his ceiling, his dark room so warm in the middle of January. He couldn’t help but smile, moaning as his hand went down to Ryan’s hair, his mouth between his legs, taking him, all of him, like the expert he was by now.

“You’re hungry today, huh?” Shane asked, lifting himself with one arm to look at his boyfriend work. Ryan nodded, mouth full of cock, eyes wide opened and looking at him. Shane smiled, biting his bottom lip. “Well, then… enjoy yourself, sweetheart.”

* * *

 

Back then, the problem had been that mom was _always_ working.

Dad was far away, alone in Chicago.

And Scott was out the closet.

Meaning Shane needed to be the kid that has the straight marriage, the grandchildren for their hardworking mother full of dreams; that good wife with the white house, the blond hair and the two good catholic children.

It didn’t matter that Shane was fourteen and in love for the first time, or so he thought he was, as he shared little smiles and short stares with Greg from German class. It made him realize all that support Scott had gotten must had costed him his own sleepless nights with dancing shadows on his walls.

Now, all Shane could do was scream.

“You don’t give a shit about us! You’re just thinking about you all the time!” He said to his mother one afternoon, when Scott was out with his boyfriend. “You wanted to come here because _you_ didn’t want to be near dad, you didn’t care how that made us feel!”

“Shane Alexa—“

“It’s bullshit!” He said, turning away to walk off to his room.

“Shane!”

“Don’t talk to me! I don’t want to see you! I don’t want to hear you! I want to go home! I want to be with dad!”

His mother didn’t have time to say anything else for he had ran into his room and locked the door behind him, standing with his back to it, waiting. But she never came, never said anything else. She just left the house, slamming the door , on her way to work by the time Shane reached the window and saw the car leaving.

Something inside him felt like falling, his shoulders felt heavy and light at the same time, falling as if he was shrugging but there was nothing to dismiss in this situation. So, he screamed at the window, he screamed at his bed and cried like he has never before.

Truth was, he almost never cried. He didn’t have many reasons to and most of the time, Shane was able to find calm by his own before any storm could blind his sight. But today, today all he could do was yell until his voice was harsh, he could barely use it anymore, and his eyes hurt.

He saw it then, installed like every night on his wall, the stain that seemed to be staring at him somehow, and Shane frowned.

“What?!”

It didn’t move.

“What do you want?!” He yelled, the stain was gone the next second and Shane screamed again, frustrated with everyone that goes away in his life, included the stain on his wall.

“You don’t exist!” Shane yelled, walking towards his wall and grabbing the book they were reading in his way to it, “You are nothing! You are just in my head!” And he threw the book at the spot the shadow had last been in. “FUCK OFF!”

But then, it was back, bigger than ever, towering in front of Shane in a way it had never before, passing his bed and into the ceiling, like a wave coming from him.

Shane looked up, expecting it to be something else but not this strange shadow that acted more alive than his mother sometimes.

It eclipsed the light coming from his window, reminded him that it was about to be night already and he was alone in the house.

Greg would never know he liked him, would never know his smile was the best thing in Shane’s day every Monday and Tuesday when they had class together, he’ll never know he had meant so much to Shane, for the shadow was going to end him today.

 _Silly boy_ , it echoed inside his head. Not a voice, but an idea—like something he had remembered, but it was not from him, this was not him.

His eyes opened wide.

“It’s you!” He said, the stain became bigger, pointy ends instead of undulations and other curves on its edges. “You speak!”

 _Silence_.

“No! This is my house! And this is my room! You—“

Brown, deep, real eyes stared at him. Not two but ten, twenty maybe, much more, and more. A hundred eyes looked at him, his entire room covered by the Shadow that had opened them suddenly.

Shane shivered, and like nobody else in his position, he clapped with a happy, almost maniac he supposed,  laugh.

* * *

 

In his brown eyes, Ryan’s brown eyes, Shane was able to see the good in the universe. And, apparently, he could wax poetry about them without the man even knowing.

Ryan’s eyes were beautiful, deep, so expressive it could kill Shane with just one look. Luckily for him, Ryan reserved his tenderness and infinite love for Shane alone, and as his loving gaze could kill him, it revived him every time.

He looked glorious in darkness, in light, in the afternoon and autumn, when it rained and when it snowed. He looked like a saint in the dark churches and an angel in each dark corner of every abandoned installation where hope was once lost.

Shane could remember how good it had felt to say Ryan’s name the first time he did, the strange feeling of comfort when they shook hands for the first time, how familiar his presence was back then, how the darkness behind him in every location seemed to stare back in a friendly way.

It made him wonder if Ryan ever noticed this, that his worst nightmares seemed to be gentle around him, give him a better time than it would locally do with anyone else. Or maybe everyone was just laying, high out their minds when telling the stories, like Shane always suspected was the case anyway.

Ryan was oddly silent in those places, admiring every centimeter of it while shivering, pissing his pants for nothing that was there but he believed in, and it made Shane want to protect him, to cuddle him into safety and still follow him into that darkness.

The kind of pride he felt for his boyfriend as he walked around, braver than anyone Shane has ever met, he could only compare it to the same pride he felt on himself when he celebrated the first year without a cigarette so long ago.

“I still can’t believe you smoked.” Ryan murmured as they were trying to fall asleep in the middle of this empty nightmare that was Waverly Hill Sanatorium. Shane made an almost asleep ‘mmm’ sound to indicate he was half listening. Then, Ryan said softer: “Doesn’t matter what I did, you kept doing it like the silly boy you were…”

“What?” He asked, looking at him at his side but Ryan wasn’t laying on his sleeping bag when Shane opened his eyes.

A strange movement over him made him look up, something darker than the night moving fast towards the most obscure part of the room and Shane frowned, ready to stand up and run to search Ryan.

His voice had been just there at his side, what in the—Ryan came out that darkness, walking normally towards their sleeping station, barefoot and looking cute with his hair down and glasses on.

“Just said that I can’t believe you used to smoke.” Ryan repeated, looking at him and frowning. “What? Why that face?” And then his eyes opened wide, looking both, frightened and excited. “Did something happened?” Shane’s frown went deeper. “Did you see something?”

“No.” Shane said, “No, man—I just thought you were…” He signaled Ryan’s sleeping bag, the man had shrugged and was going back to lay down on it. “What were you doing?”

“Just left my phone to charge.” He answered.

“Uh, okay.” Shane laid down again, looking at the ceiling, frowning. “Have I ever told you about that time, though?”

“What time?”

Shane looked at him from the corner of his eye, Ryan was getting his phone under his pillow silently and slowly.

“When I started smoking?”

“I don’t think so, no.”

“I was fourteen.” He said, Ryan made a ‘tsk’ sound with his mouth. “And I had an imaginary friend back them.”

“Really?”

“It was a shadow!” His eyebrows went up. “And it liked to read with me, so it would appear in the wall, crawl to my side and just stay there…” He sighed. “I actually…” And then he blinked, suddenly remembering, like if something had been unlocked in his head.

“I called it Ryan.”

When he looked back after a long silence, Ryan was smiling at him. The strange wave of endearment coming from him made a shadow, smoke coming out his back as he started, like frozen in time.

“Ryan?”

His smile became a sight of fright, but it only made Shane smile back, joy burning down his bottom belly.

He blinked, the room opened its eyes to Shane as he laughed happily. Like a maniac, he supposed.

* * *

 

Like his shadow, the smoke became part of him and his presence, darkening the corners of Shane that other people believed they know. It didn’t make him interesting or fun at parties, but it distracted him from the rest of the noise and allowed him to smell something else aside from his mother’s bullshit and his father’s lies.

“By the way,” He said to the stain on his wall, lingering near him like a worried puppy, “I got a name for you.”

_I do not need a name._

“I’m tired of calling you the Stain or the Shadow, so I got you a bro name.”

_Bro name. What is that?_

“What you are, of course.” He answered after getting out his lungs some of the grey. The smoke became one with the stain and Shane smiled. “I imagine you like a jock or something. I don’t know why.”

_It’s because you like the quarterback at school._

Shane laughed, coughing when the smoke went from his lungs to his nose and it burned a little. The ashes of his latest cigarette fell to the ground on his room, and he cursed his silliness while leaving the half smoked thing on the ashtray and stood for the bathroom to clean the mess on his floor.

“Ryan.” Shane called from the bathroom. “That’s going to be your name now.”

_No._

“Sorry, Ry. Can’t hear you.” Shane said, cleaning up the ashes and smiling triumphant when _Ryan_ became all pointy edges on his wall. “Don’t care, dude.”

It morphed again, to the shadow of a boy Shane’s height and he laughed. “No, not like that. I imagine you shorter. A bit buff, I guess. But much shorter.”

_You like power._

“No, it’s not like that!” Shane assured him with an easy laugh, going back for his cigarette and finding it somehow wet. He frowned at Ryan in the wall and sighed, accepting this defeat. “I just like short people for me.”

_Must be easy for you to find those, big guy._

Ryan became smaller then, the cigarettes box Shane was about to grab suddenly flying across the room and into the toilet, Shane was able to hear the sound of it hitting the water. He sighed, the toilet flushed by itself and he glared at the shadow in the shape of a boy in front of him.

“Those cost money, you know?”

_Your life costs much more._

“Yeah?” Shane sighed, sitting on his bed and taking off his shoes. “How much, uh?”

_Much._

“Mmm…” He took off his socks, laying on the bed as the shadow now appeared on the ceiling, still in the form of a boy. “It’s that what you want? My life? Are you going to steal my soul or something?”

 _No_. It simply stated, Shane waited for more but after a while, gave up. _I just want to read your books, I hadn’t read one in ages before you came in here._

“Oh.” Shane sat down on the mattress again. “So all you want is to read? For real?”

_I don’t take souls._

The assurance made Shane feel safe for some reason. He trusted this being, probably because he was almost sure it was all product of his loneliness and imagination together. Ryan went down, suddenly getting itself around Shane like wrapping him in the dark of the shadow like form it had.

_Sleep now, we’ll read later._

Ryan wrapped itself around him all the time since it started talking; it almost felt like being hugged, and Shane couldn’t feel safer.

* * *

 

Ryan closed his eyes, all of them, and Shane whined, desperately hitting the mattress with one hand until Ryan opened his eyes again.

_You like to be watched._

“Mmm…” He moaned in response, whatever it was of Ryan still cupping his mouth like fingers playing with his tongue, making it difficult to talk.

His touch on Shane’s cock was firm, felt velvet and unfamiliar, all the same hot and welcomed. The man looked up at the darkness of his room, the brown eyes of his boyfriend, so warm, looking all around him, wherever he looked at, and another loud moan escaped his chest like a prayer for more.

 _You are such a mess like this_. Ryan sent into his brain, Shane barely nodded and turned around, holding his weight on his forearms as Ryan wrapped around his body, slowly going up his legs onto his ass like he wanted.

The groan he let out made each eye widen, Ryan’s laugh echoing inside his head as he fucked into him like wet fingers, in and out, slowly filling him until it was stronger, more real, firm, bigger.

“Fuck…” He gasped, eyes closed and hands fisting the sheets desperately. “Yes, Ryan—yes!”

With each thrust, Ryan managed to make him moan louder, slowly settling into a rhythm that had Shane smiling as he kept the sounds coming out his mouth unfiltered. His hips moved with Ryan as he fucked him with whatever part of him was inside Shane.

It felt like all of him, that was always around him, that had connected to Shane in a way none of them expected. That once Shane had become an adult, could see him normally, talk to him, have him in a physical person, had become so much more important than he had been already, like destined to become this, whatever they were now.

The shadow parts of his boyfriend suddenly appeared near him, little by little cupping his hands like if he was interlocking their fingers and Shane smiled once they became firm on him, holding onto him as his orgasm built in the bottom of his stomach, spreading around in waves of warmth and electricity, each moan more broken, desperate

Ryan fucked into him harder, some of him holding his hips still, becoming bigger inside Shane, driving him crazy. And all he could do was moan, asking for more, knowing he was about to come in waves..

“I’m gonna—“ He tried to say, Ryan inside him becoming harder, his grasp on his hands firmer, the presence over his back and the part of him stroking his cock more real. “Ryan!”

Lips touched his shoulder blades, following the constellation of birthmarks and freckles Shane knew Ryan loved, soon becoming kisses until Ryan was kissing his neck, going up to his jaw and cheek and finally to his lips.

Shane kissed him wet, teeth taking his bottom lip, demanding the attention and knowing there were eyes all around his body and face, in the walls and in the ceiling, Ryan’s body connected to that darkness through shadow and smoke coming off his back, like wings expanding over them as he fucked Shane into completion.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck….”

His legs shivered, thighs tensing as his orgasm hit him with a delicious pain going through his pelvis and dick, coming hard and fast on the sheets and Ryan’s now human fingers. The creature kept going, still jerking his cock as the overstimulation made Shane moan and twitch under him, body resting motionless on the mattress and he smiled with the sensation of Ryan’s cock filling him up perfectly.

“Shit, Shane—“ Ryan’s hands grabbed him by the shoulders, fucking into him slower, with more difficulty. “Fuck, I’m gonna co—“

“Yeah?” Shane moved his hips with circular movements, Ryan moaned louder in his ear. “Come on, baby. Come in me, do it.”

His boyfriend came with a shout, his voice sounding first like him and then like something else, like an animal and something mechanic at the same time. Shane’s mouth opened without letting out any sound, like moaning a bit at the sensation of Ryan’s come inside him, his dick twitching as it emptied there, the man collapsing on Shane’s back.

The good thing of being of extra proportions, Shane thought as he looked back at Ryan now laying on his back, slowly becoming more human as the eyes and marks disappeared from his skin, was that he could take Ryan’s weight easily, especially on his back. He kissed the top of his head, making Ryan look up and slowly move to capture his lips on a sweet kiss.

The position was awkward and his neck was hurting, but Shane smiled against Ryan’s lips once they went a part, his boyfriend moving out him and laying on his back at Shane’s side, the room going to normal again as Ryan had finally took his human form fully.

Shane sighed, looking back at him by laying on his side, one hand going to his face to caress his cheek. He looked completely human again, completely well fucked, happy with his performance and his own generous orgasm.

“You are really into this.”

“No sex in two centuries, big guy.” Ryan reminded him, opening one eye with a little smirk on his lips. “You’d want to get it on with your hot as fuck boyfriend every fifteen minutes if you could.”

He chuckled, at the thought and Ryan referring to him as hot. Without saying a word about it, since Ryan would spend hours trying to convince him otherwise, Shane moved closer, passing an arm across his body until half of Shane was on top of him.

Ryan smiled, fingers brushing Shane’s lips and jaw.

“Give me those fifteen minutes and I’ll fuck you.” He said, a funny spark of competitiveness on his voice.

The man smiled, that one smile that would look like a nightmare to anyone else but only made Shane want him so much more.

When his teeth would become fangs, the lines on his face and body coming to life, those eyes that made him Ryan showing. He cleared his throat and his body came back to normal, Shane smiled at him and moved his eyebrows playfully, making him laugh again.

“Alright, babe. Let’s see what you got.”

* * *

 

Shane looked back to the house, eyes fixated on what had been his window but nothing appeared there. He sighed, getting in the car as he thought of the shadow on his wall. He’ll miss Ryan, even if it had been annoying as fuck with the whole smoking and first boyfriend thing, even when he had treated Greg so bad by throwing off his things and interrupting every time they tried to kiss, making the other kid think Shane’s house was haunted.

Doesn’t matter it had been right about him, it still should had been more considerate to whoever Shane decided to sneak into his room.

Yet—

“I’ll miss you.” He had said to the wind once the room was empty. He didn’t have an answer. “I know you are mad, but I’ll miss you.”

_Take care of yourself, big guy. Don’t smoke again._

Shane chuckled, shaking his head before putting his back over his shoulder, walking to the door. He stopped in the frame, looking back at the empty room. Ryan appeared on his wall, sunshine going through it.

 _One last question_. It said, Shane nodded. _Do you know what I am?_

“No.” He answered. “What did you wanted from me, really?”

He waited in silence for the answer until his mom called, Shane looked in her general direction and answered that he was ready, then directed all his attention back to Ryan. It had become a stain again, all pointy edges once more.

_Your fear._

“Oh.” Shane frowned. “Well, I’m sorry I wasn’t scared of you.”

_Yeah, you are weird._

“Always, baby.” He winked at the stain, it became curvy again. “Bye.”

Shane sighed now, already on the car and missing Ryan’s thoughts on his head. He put his head on the window, the car slowly moving away from the house.

_Goodbye, Shane._

He smiled, nodding to Ryan wherever it was.

* * *

 

“Do you know?” Ryan asked one day as Shane drove them in a new city, the crew in another rental while they followed to the hotel.

“Uhm?”

“What I am,” Ryan said, looking at him when they stopped in a red light, “Do you know?”

“Uh, I think I don’t.” Shane answered, frowning at his lack of concern about the matter. Was he okay? “I mean, I sure as fuck know you are some sort of hot monster.”

Ryan chuckled.

“I think I may be kin with the Venon-fuckers, maybe? Since you wrap around me and talk to me on my head… and all that funny jazz?”

Ryan laughed louder, shaking his head no as Shane tried to see if this was something he should be putting more attention to, or let it go as they dismissed many of the things regarding Ryan’s real nature. Soon his boyfriend went quiet again, a smile still present on his lips when he looked at Shane as they kept moving in the traffic.

“No, you moron. I’m not symbiotic.” He said, Shane agreed with an exaggerated nod. “But… I mean it. Do you know? Do you want to know?”

“Do _you_ want me to know?” Shane looked at him for a second, then went back to driving. “Because I’m totally fine just knowing I’m fucking and getting fucked by an Eldritch Abomination.”

“I’m not an abomination, what the fuck?!”

“See? Like Venom…”

“DUDE!”

As Shane laughed, he could almost hear Ryan’s brain trying to come up with a way to explain himself, this new found desire to tell Shane what was him exactly and once again, he surprised himself by caring very little about it. All he could care about was Ryan’s pained expression and the frustration coming off him, so Shane cleared his throat.

“You don’t have to tell me.” He said. “I don’t care, you know? Whatever you are, it’s you. All I want is right beside me, that’s what matters.”

Ryan looked at him for long seconds without saying a word, Shane’s shoulders felt a bit tense as he searched for a spot to park in once they entered the hotel’s large garage. Their crew was a few spots away, Shane started to park in front of a tall tree.

“You really are okay with that.” Ryan murmured, Shane looked back thinking of if he should answer something or not. “Why?”

“Uh,” It was Shane’s turn to frown, killing the engine and looking at Ryan. “Ry, I love you.” He said, only a few seconds after, when Ryan’s smile was too bright and his teeth was showing fangs, Shane realized it was the first time he said it. “I—I thought you knew that.”

“I did.” Ryan confessed, opening his door without taking his eyes away from Shane. “I just wanted to hear you say it.”

“Motherfucker…” He frowned but Shane could feel the start of a smile on the corners of his lips.

It occurred to him later, as they made love, that he hadn’t felt that strange emptiness in his right hand in a long time. That he hadn’t needed more gum than usual, nor go outside the office building to the smoking area to play his brain.

Ryan had always been good for him.

He fed on fear, which was why locations were excellent for him, for all that _“condensed energy in every corner, it’s delicious”_. He and his family were the same species of being that needed human feelings for their own existence. They had existed for thousands of years.

Ryan had 777 eyes, one for each sin he had consumed in the past. Somewhere, as he settled in Los Angeles, eyes stopped popping on his being and there was no explanation he could give Shane or himself.

He just was.

* * *

 

Music and yells came all the way to Shane from inside the house, he looked up at the sky and sighed, wondering what Greg was doing. If he remembered him.

He took a drag of his cigarette and left the smoke float around inside him, slowly letting it out while thinking of Jenna who had break his heart during his first year of college and was inside the party, somewhere with some frat dudebro that talked shit of her on his first period class each Thursday.

Outside, the only song he wanted to hear was the hidden crickets around him. It reminded him of the quiet at L.A. when he would go out the house and go around on his bike, loneliness feeling like nothing when he had that calm.

Smoke became one with the stars in the sky as he looked up after exhaling, all the shit he had done suddenly coming to mind. The shine of each star across the smoke reminded him of something else.

The stain on his wall, the one he swore could talk to him and Shane chuckled, thinking of that really alone boy he had been, taking another drag to finish the ciggie and maybe go back to his dorm, ready for another night of upsetting dreams or strangely calm nightmares.

As he stood, he watched the ridiculous amount of cigarettes end on the ground, all his. He blinked a couple of times, frowning at the sight like if it was the first time he had ever seen one of those.

He did that, Shane reminded himself with a hand over his mouth, smelling like nicotine and ashes, all him like Lucy had told him last week after their biweekly hook-up.

 _You’ll die_ , the stain had told him once. Or had projected onto his head. Whatever. The idea was there, Shane could feel it in himself, growing like something cold on his blood.

Like fear.

* * *

 

“Were you stalking me?” Shane asked. “Have you been following me?”

 _No_. Ryan responded like before while Shane tried to sleep in his bed, finally back home after filming for two weeks. _I genuinely left you alone when you moved out the house._

Shane blinked a couple of times, remembering his fights with his mother, the strange experience he had never told anyone after his family and therapist’s reactions. Not even the next therapist he ended up seeing later, nobody.

“What happened to you? And the—the body…?”

“It’s me.” Ryan’s voice answered, an arm suddenly over Shane’s chest. “I was weak when we met, couldn’t take this form.”

“Uh.” Shane looked back, his face was still in darkness and fuck, wasn’t that a scary thing to see? Your boyfriend without a face? And yet, Shane didn’t care. “Uh, you don’t have a—“

“Yeah, it’ll appear. Don’t worry.” He answered, like if this wasn’t so strange, making Shane smile. “I didn’t expected to find you again.”

“No?”

“I thought you’d stay in Chicago like you had planned. I was happy to find out you went to college back home like you wanted.” He sighed. “I was at BuzzFeed because, well—It’s just fun the be human sometimes. Hadn’t been one in two centuries. Too weak for it.”

“Uh.” Shane tried to imagine that, being stuck on old houses where people would try to get him away with exorcisms and other prayers. He cringed at the thought, but also remembered college, smiling at his boyfriend whose face was there at least. “Well, Chicago—You know, It was a strange occurrence, to have real friends for once…”

Ryan laughed, he always sounded so human and full of life. To know he was, he was this—well. Shane blinked, knowing himself not caring about any of this, knowing how happy he was actually feeling for been part of Ryan’s biggest secret he always felt he was not telling him, that his shadow had been real and he wasn’t insane like so many times he had felt and been told.

“I got another question.”

“Mmm,” Ryan sighed, happily cuddling his face into Shane’s chest. His fingers went to his hair, slowly caressing as Ryan became more relaxed. “Shoot.”

“The fear, your beliefs. They aren’t real, are they?”

Suddenly, the man moved, facing Shane by lifting his upper body with one hand on the matters and the other still on Shane’s chest. He was serious now, like if Shane had offended him and the man swallowed, hoping it wasn’t the case.

“You have no idea what is out there, Shane.” He said, frowning. “I don’t either, I… I just know a part of it. I genuinely want to know. And,” His eyes lowered, like if he was ashamed to admit this to him. “I just-- For a long time I was alone. I’m lucky the Bergaras took me in, that you didn’t want me gone when you were kid.” He looked up, Shane tried to speak but Ryan shook his head. “You believing in me gave me strength. I’m here because of you.”

The confession felt like something more, like a promise of the days and nights to come, and Shane smiled. His fingers caressed Ryan’s face, hand slowly cupping his left cheek as the man leaned into it with eyes closed.

So full of life, beautiful.

“I love you.” Ryan murmured. “I haven’t felt like this… I don’t want to say never, because I don’t remember most things.” He opened his eyes, smiling at Shane. The sincerity on them would never fail to make him Shane want to cry. “But I know I haven’t felt like this in a long, long, long time.”

He smiled, fingers caressing Ryan’s bottom lip, bumping his nose a little.

“You are really scared of the so called demons, uh?”

Ryan lifted an eyebrow, rolling his eyes before answering. “The so called demons can rip you in half, you moron.”

Shane chuckled, shaking his head as Ryan followed with his own laugh, getting back to lay his head on his boyfriend’s chest and cuddle onto him. Shane’s fingers returned to his hair, caressing softly as he looked at the ceiling.

“I’m glad you don’t smoke anymore.”

Shane chuckled again.

For a damn Eldritch Horror, Ryan was the most protective boyfriend too.

* * *

 

“Oh, wow!” Shane heard, someone had crashed against his larger body and his hands had gone immediately to take them by the shoulders, trying to protect them from a fall. “Big guy!”

He blinked, looking down to find the wide open eyes of a boy looking up at him in awe. There was something in him, this warmness and familiar smile, the shine of his eyes, that made Shane’s cheeks feel hot and he slowly let him go.

The boy gave him an appreciative look, up and down, and Shane felt like dying a little.

Strange. He wasn’t this shy around hot men, usually.

“Hi!” Shane said, trying to break the tension between them, offering his hand. “I’m the new guy, I’m Shane.”

“Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah…” The guy licked his lips and smiled wide, taking his hand in a firm shake. “I’m Ry, I’m, I’m—I’m Ryan.” He swallowed visibly, suddenly as shy as Shane felt. “Bergara. Steven. Ryan. Ryan Steven—Bergara. Bergara.”

“Okay, Bergara. Steven. Ryan. Ryan Steven. It’s nice to meet you!”

“Oh, Fuck off.” Ryan laughed, the sound of it making Shane smile without letting go of his hand.

They slowly let go of each other, the silence between them feeling like known territory, and Shane wondered what it could mean, if it was a good thing for a future friendship or was he just being a complete moron, making an idiot of himself in front of this beautiful, beautiful man.

“Well, nice to meet you too.” Ryan said. “If you need me, for anything. Really. Anything… I sit right there.” He signaled the computer and seat right in front of Shane’s.

He smiled wide at him. “Great, I’m right in front.”

“No, shit!” He said, eyes going happy again at the sight of Shane’s honesty. “Well, big guy. Welcome home!”

* * *

 

Having Ryan inside him drove Shane crazy, but being inside the creature was something else.

Shane moved his head to one side, breathing heavily as Ryan laid on his sleeping bag in some hell hole he had chosen for them to investigate. The cameras were off, darkness around them giving Ryan the chance to open his eyes and watch himself getting fucked by a human.

“You fucker, you really like that, don’t you?”

Ryan opened his human eyes, blinking at Shane as his mouth opened, letting out little sighs and whines that begged for more of Shane’s attention. His legs hugged Shane’s waist, feet put together in the small of his back, pushing him to fuck Ryan deeper.

He smiled, biting his bottom lip without moving, making Ryan frown and whine like a spoiled pretty boy that wasn’t getting what he wanted.

 _You like power_ , he had accused him once. None of them had idea back then of how they would end in the future, what was actually that he liked that his teen days had started to form and now became this, this man with his hand wrapped around a monster’s neck, dick inside him without moving, his multiple eyes watching, expecting more.

The smoke and shadow that connected Ryan’s physical body to the rest of the night around them became bigger, rounding them into a cocoon and Shane smiled at his boyfriend.

“Desperate for cock as always, Bergara.”

_Fuck, I swear to fucking Them—_

_God_ , Shane remembered. He wondered, not for the first time, if Ryan had actually ever met with the Big Man or whatever they were. But right now, the only one with power over Ryan was him and his fingers squeezed harder on his neck, Ryan’s breathing becoming more difficult.

He wouldn’t die even if he stopped breathing, if he fell from a plane, was bitten by a viper or shot in the head. Ryan had existed in the shadows and dark corners of the world for longer than he had memories, had fed on human’s feelings for centuries, became weaker as he grew old until he was ready to walk among humans again.

In less than a second, he could do so much harm to Shane, could probably kill him. Yet, he begged for a kiss, got on his knees if Shane wanted, did as he wished and become whatever as Shane pleased.

_Please move, please just… I’ll do anything. Just fuck me already. Please._

The smile went wider, thumb pressing on Ryan’s Adam’s Apple. His dick twitched over his belly, making Shane sigh delighted as he looked down at it, hard and laying on a small pool of precome on Ryan’s tummy.

His hips moved, going out and then in, just slow. Ryan’s mouth opened, the shiver of his body making it change, eyes staring at Shane, then back to normal when Shane fucked into him. He chuckled, fascinated as it repeated once, twice, and kept going with each thrust of his hips.

_Yes, yes, yes, you are so big!_

Slowly, Shane’s hand relaxed on Ryan’s neck and his thumb went to his lips. Ryan kissed it, immediately wrapping his larger tongue around it as Shane’s hips started to go faster, reflecting just how much he wanted this and to come with Ryan, rounded by his entire presence, those eyes looking around, his body that shivers and _shifts_.

With his teeth sharp so suddenly, the point of one of them drew blood from Shane’s thumb and Ryan kept lapping at it like if it was the most delicious thing he has ever had. Shane fucked him harder, desperate to see him lose his cool, that moment when the pleasure was so deep and so pure, his other form was exposed.

That creature that lived under his bed with horns and wings of smoke, the eyes on his body all looking at Shane, the sharp teeth, the pointy ears and long tongue.

Here it was, the fear of so many, the nightmare of every child and every sinner, and it was in love with Shane. It had claimed a name Shane had given him, became something else and then his friend, his boyfriend, his entire life in such a short period of time.

Shane fucked him, moaning with every thrust, eyes fixated on Ryan’s face that had started to change. And then, he hit his prostate, making Ryan open wide all his eyes, other form exposed immediately, no longer caring of maintaining it down.

_FUCK!_

He moaned stronger, the three voices in him sounding more desperate as it echoed around the place. If there was ghosties around, any other entity, watching as this simple human fucked this being, it only made Shane harder.

“Come on, love. Come with me, come with me—“

“Shane—“

“Come with me, sweetheart, come on, come on…”

Ryan moved, rounding his neck with his arms and crashing their lips together. Shane could feel his horns hitting on his forehead, his sharp teeth on his tongue and mouth, blood between them, making a mess of their tongues playing together.

The taste of his own blood and the way he could push down Ryan and fuck him as he wanted, even tell him not to come, reminded Shane of the control he had now and the false sense of security smoking once gave him. That he had been a cool guy able to keep it in check, soon turned into a child that never had control of anything in his life.

But in here, now a man, free of the grey and full of this shadow that had kept him company and had cared for him for so long, it all felt worth the wait and the pain. He could keep going with his life without his fingers itching for taking another cigarette, lungs wanting another drag, nose needing the smell.

Shane could stay in Ryan forever, be part of him.

His boyfriend smiled at him as he orgasmed inside him, Ryan coming just a few seconds later with a loud moan, all eyes closed, back arching as Shane’s dick twitched inside him and his painted white their stomachs.

“So beautiful…” Shane passed the tip of his finger carefully on Ryan’s face, his eyes slowly opening again. He smiled at him. “You good?”

_Fucked my brains out, but sure._

He chuckled, parting ways from him, his spent cock twitching at the cold air of the night. Shane moved to take the little cleaning kit they had packed for this. They didn’t had sex on locations often, but when the darkness was too much, Ryan just—demanded it. Thus, the kit had started to travel with them.

“You are such a horny teenager.” He said, Ryan slapped his thigh as he sat down on the sleeping bag next to Shane.

They had put their bags together; it would had killed Shane’s back if he had been laying down. Lucky for him, Ryan had been hungry to be fucked tonight, his body capable of many amazing things, not hurting included.

“Shut up, prude.” Ryan said, looking human again with exception of his teeth. “Fuck…” He murmured, Shane looked back and saw him chasing a drop of blood going down his chin with his thumb until he got it on his mouth. “Not to be creepy, but this is good.”

Shane frowned at him. “You are weird.”

“For real?” Ryan looked at him eyes wide open, hair pointing at all directions and looking damn adorable, all so well fucked and happy. “There’s fuck ton of eyes looking at you in this room, coming off my body and I’m weird for this?”

“Fuck yeah you are.” Shane answered like if it was obvious.

Ryan laughed, his amusement contagious for Shane to accompany him in it, letting him put a hand on his cheek and kiss him a bit before smiling at each other.

“Fuck.” Ryan swallowed. “I love you.”

All he could do was smile.

Ryan was careful with whatever he felt, if he did at all. He knew how to be human, didn’t need any guidance of any kind, understood plenty of emotions and fed on some. But he never talked about if he had some of his own. Shane suspected he maybe didn’t even notice, that his passion and desire were feelings, that he shared love with Shane and he could live without listening to it.

So, suddenly having him say so, it made Shane smile like an idiot.

“Well, you went from being the monster under my bed to the monster _in_ my bed.” Shane reminded him, Ryan snorted in laughter, the marks of his closed eyes on his body appearing again, his nails becoming larger and black as he relaxed on his happiness. “Of course I love you, too.”

Ryan opened his eyes, all of them, smiling at Shane before going for another kiss.

“I’m keeping you forever…” Ryan murmured against his lips, Shane smiled at him with his eyes closed.

“Sounds good to me.”

* * *

 

At age thirteen, Shane befriended a shadow on his attic that soon came into his room and nested under his bed, like any other tale of horror.

It didn’t scare Shane at all, though. He let it go close to him, reading over his shoulder and projecting ideas onto Shane’s head.

“What are you, anyway?” Shane asked one afternoon as they read In The Mountains Of Madness.

 _I just am_.

*******

******

*****

 

**Author's Note:**

> **This work was created for the Shyan Mini Bang 2019 - Supernatural Ryan.**
> 
> Thank you all for reading! Maybe I'll see you on [my tumblr](http://yaboybergara.tumblr.com/)? Have a good day!


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